How To Handle Tantrums
How do you handle when your kids get mad?
There are different types of tantrums but here are the top 3 and how to handle them: ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
😖 The sleepy/hungry tantrum. Keep in mind when your child is feeling this way, it is not their fault. Try (and I know it is hard) to plan your day around their nap and meal times. That said, I frequently will do errands during snack time so they can be occupied while I’m getting things done. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
😖 The control tantrum. “I want things my way and any way you do it is wrong.” For example, I peel the banana, and my child wanted to peel it themselves. In that case, you validate "You’re mad because you wanted to peel the banana. You may have this one if you want and next time I will ask you first." When they start to scream, let them sit with their feelings and say "I can't hear you right now, when you are calm, I can help you." Some children will want cuddles while they are calming down and some won't.
😖 The defiance tantrum where you ask them to do something, and they just say “no,” which leads to a tantrum. This is where language is critical. Getting a toddler to do something can be a task in and of itself. For example, instead of saying can you put your clothes away, try using the word may. I.e., “you MAY put your clothes away” as it is very empowering and they can do it on their own. When this doesn't work, try to make a game out of it and say “I see a yellow shirt on the floor, I wonder where that goes...” This helps grab the child's attention and makes them think it is a game.
I want your kids to get mad. Yes, you might think this is crazy but this is something that they need to learn how to handle. If children don’t learn how to properly express their emotions and how to calm themselves down, it can be a problem for their development. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
There are likely more meltdowns and tantrums now that your child is home all day and that you have so much on your plate. It is likely that we are all losing our cool. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
All meltdowns and tantrums are teaching moments and learning opportunities. Hard to see that when we are all going through this but here are the steps to handle a tantrum and please see my tantrum highlights to see this in action. Do you want to see this more?
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1) Wait for them to calm their body down. They can’t hear you while they are screaming. Let them know that you are with them by saying “When your body is calm, I can help you.” Some kids may need cuddles and some need to just scream it out next to you or in a corner. Every kid is different.
2) Validate their feelings (once calm).
3) Acknowledge what they wanted.
4) Let them know what you need them to do.
5) Let them know when they can do what they wanted to do or what they may do instead.
6) Say “It is my job to make sure you are safe, to make sure your body and mind are growing, and to make sure you are being kind.” Most things in a child’s life relate to these 3 things.
7) Close the loop by saying “I love you.”