Don’t accuse, be neutral and narrate what happened

Don’t accuse, be neutral and narrate what happened

When you accuse your child, you are prompting your child to not tell you the truth. Instead, be calm, curious and simply narrate what happened and if necessary, positively reframe it. 

Instead of “Did you eat candy from the pantry,” 

Say “I see a candy wrapper. What should you do when you want some candy?”

Instead of “Did you wash your hands?” 

Say “your hands are quite dry and I see some dirt. Do you want to pump out the soap or should I? 

Instead of “Did you put your backpack away? I know you didn’t.”

Say “I see your backpack on the floor. It needs to go back to its home.” 

Lying is a very charged word and not meant to describe a child’s behavior. In children, not telling the truth is really about feeling embarrassed, trying to trick you or simply the result of being distracted. 

Adults often jump to conclusions instead of being curious and neutral about what happened. Blaming and shaming a child tends to make the situation worse and just makes the child cave in and unable to express their thoughts and feelings.